Patricia’s Gluten Free & Wheat Free Pizza

There was considerable discussion concerning the proper name for the Gluten-Free Cookie Federation. We almost had a Gluten-Free Pizza Federation, and even a Gluten-Free Donut Federation, but the universal appeal of cookies won out.

So, we now turn to one of the runners up: pizza. And our first entry is perhaps the most “real” gluten-free frozen pizza encountered to-date. What makes Patricia’s 10″ so real is that it has the doughy, greasy appeal of your better thin wheat crust Italian pizza. This is a big deal. Over the last eight years spent eating gluten-free pizzas, nothing has come close to hitting the mark of a real pizza—any pizza—as Patricia’s.

It is crucial to understand the following sentence: You must cook this pizza on a solid sheet. Turn a plate upside down if you have nothing else. If you cook it directly on the oven rack you will have the worst monstrosity, massicured all over your oven. The thing will melt completely through. Completely. This is what happend to me the first time. Fortunately, some pizza drippings remained clinging to the metal rack. When I slurped the dangling tangles (hey, it’s pizza!), it was clear Patricia had promise. I bought another pie and this time read and followed the cooking instructions.

MAKER: Patricia’s Pizza & More (phone 1.203.606.5053)

TASTE: Doughy. Light on the tomato sauce. Sweat yeast. Greasy thin cheese, in a good way. Cheese covers the entire pizza.

TEXTURE: Chewy, gooey, fun like Hong Kong Phooey.

SIZE: 7″, 10″, 14″. Have only encountered the 10″. The Cookie Federation would be super interested in coming across the 14″ which would be even more pizza jointy.

SWEETS & FATS: Average sweetness. Fats unknown.

PRICE: For the size, the most expensive out there. I paid $11 for the 10″.

NOTES: Never eat the whole pizza with beans or Mexican food or you may be spending lots of time in the bathroom the next day. The pizza crust is made from, as the label says, “nutritious bean flours!”

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